Retirement - Jenny Hamon

Retirement, oh how absurd
I’m far too young, it's just a word
Although it's just another year
The dreaded date's arrived I fear

Retirement is for the old
Who quietly slip into the mould
Of endless days and aimless ways
Of sitting in a fuddled daze

I'm not that old, you hear me cry
I'm still alive, not ready to die
I can't resign to the mindless doom
Of sitting in God's waiting room

I'll take these days to live life to the full
By taking on the horns of the bull
I have my mind and health and strength
So I'm going to live and spend my wealth

No time to write more poetry
With so much of the world to see
No, I'm not sitting on the fence
I'm spending the kid's inheritance

Jenny Hamon

Our Bloney Winter Weather! - Jenny Hamon

Today's poem is a "Golden Oldie" and was originally published here in January 2013.

We’re in the middle of winter
And nothing is able to grow
The ground is completely sodden
I’d much rather have some snow

The hedges and banks are collapsing
And roads have been closed by a flood
The poor farmers can’t access their crops
As the fields are too deep in mud.

We could do with a cold dry wind
To clear all of this water away
And then a crisp sharp frost
To keep all the bugs at bay.

But I see they’re forecasting sleet
In the next few days to come
And of course it will then turn to rain
Will we ever see the sun?

Jenny Hamon

Silver Surfing? - Jenny Hamon

Communication's very poor
Conversation is no more
'Cos hubby's on his iPad now
As long as batteries will allow

It's great that he can surf the net
And as a pensioner, that's no mean bet
But home life suffers, time runs away
He loses track of time or day

The shipping lanes keep him amused
From where ?, going to?, the ships have cruised
His Facebook friends converse with him more
Am I really that much of a bore?

I leave him to it 'till I need
To tell him that it's time to feed
But he's engrossed, the hearing's dim
Tea's ready, I'll just message him

Jenny Hamon

Back to GMT - Jenny Hamon

Today's poem is a "Golden Oldie" and was originally published here in October 2012

I hate it when the clocks go back
And the evenings are so dark
The hours of daylight go amiss
As we are all at work

BST to GMT
What a depressing thought
Why can’t we stay on Summer Time
(I know many people have fought.)

I think they call it SAD disease
As darkness makes me depressed
I feel I want to hibernate
All alone in the darkness

I know I just have to put up
With the dark and dismal days
And if I seem miserable
Just put up with my grumpy ways.

This SAD disease will pass
And happiness will return to me
I will be back to my happy self
When the clocks change to BST

Jenny Hamon

The Harvest Moon - Jenny Hamon

The harvest moon shines bright and clear
Lighting my way, you seem so near
It seems to say as summer wanes
I will return to you again

A fond farewell is hard to say
But sitting by this moonlit bay
The memories of summer days
Fade into an autumn haze

The September equinox is nigh
And days of summer soon will die
But memories of this lunar night
I’ll treasure 'till the spring's in sight

Jenny Hamon

Play Your Fiddle Paddy - Jenny Hamon

Dust off your fiddle Paddy
And wear your emerald green
To the Ceili at the pub
Where the shamrock will be seen

Your reputation Paddy
Means they come from wide and far
To listen to your music
And leave a pint upon the bar

Cos any Irish eejit
Will know what is the craic
When Paddy plays his fiddle
In the little room at the back

So play your fiddle Paddy
With all your strength and might
For tonight we will celebrate
On this St Patrick’s night

Jenny Hamon

I’m on The Jeremy Kyle Diet - Jenny Hamon

I’ve invented my own diet
To make me fit and lean
It’s not so much a diet
More an exercise regime

The timing is important
But rather than run a mile
I sit upon my exercise bike
And cycle to Jeremy Kyle

It means that I can exercise
While watching people row
It makes me cycle faster
But really I don’t know how

Maybe it’s all the arguing
Makes me pedal until I’ve won
Cos if I cycle hard enough
I can clock up half a ton

I mean five hundred calories
Watching Jeremy I can burn
Although the programme shocks me
With the rubbish it can churn

But never mind the content
The programme lasts an hour
I push myself into a sweat
And then I have a shower

Jenny Hamon

Changing The Bed - Jenny Hamon

I asked him to help me change the bed
But now I wish I’d never said
I regret asking because I’ve found
It’s turned out to be a battle ground

The fitted sheet was passed between
And laid out on the bed so clean
He pulled too much to fit his on
So I was left with almost none

When I complained about lack of sheet
He said I should have been more fleet
He got his on the bed alright
I’ve not enough, so now a fight!

And now the duvet to shove in
Into the cover nice and clean
I’ve got mine in the corners tight
But now he shakes it with all his might

The orifice is fastened up
And from my hand the duvet’s plucked
It’s shaken firmly up and down
And spread out on my clean night gown

His side is smoothed and patted down
While I stand there with a frown
On my side the duvet’s in a heap
I really don’t think I will sleep

My only answer is to wait
To rectify my nocturnal fate
I’ll strip the bed and start again
Even though he thinks he’s not to blame!

Jenny Hamon

Where’s The Off Switch? - Jenny Hamon

In the depths of the night
When my eyes are shut tight
Why does my brain keep on working
I start thinking things
That the night time brings
That normally my mind would be shirking

There are problems galore
That I might explore
While the old alarm clock keeps on ticking
But solutions I find
Do not come to my mind
While the hours of sleep it is nicking

Oh enough is enough
Please switch it off
And let the slumber wash over me
So the brain can abate
And when I awake
I’m refreshed and back to sanity

Jenny Hamon

Love Is - Jenny Hamon

Love is an unspoken word
Love is there but not always heard
Love is sunshine through the rain
Love is being there through the pain
Love is peace on a summer’s day
Love is help along our way
Love is like a walk through life
Love is help through trouble and strife
Love is trust and honesty
Love is help when all at sea
Love is like the roaring tide
Love is somewhere safe to hide
Love is like a comfy shoe
Love is just like me and you
Love is everything we see
Love must be our destiny

Jenny Hamon

The Awakening - Jenny Hamon

In the sodden depths
Of the countryside
Nature is a stirring
In The rain soaked ground
Evidence can be found
The plants below are moving

Look under the hedge
Out of the wind
A primrose there is blooming
In a sheltered spot
Where the frost is not
It looks most unassuming

There’s some daffodils
And some gorse of course
And a violet hiding from view
I’ve spotted some catkins
High up on a branch
And tender green leaves so new.

The long dark days
Are shortening now
And nature realises this
She will wake from her sleep
Through the soil she will peep
As the sun greets her with a kiss.

Jenny Hamon

The Sales - Jenny Hamon

I’m clearing out my wardrobe
With my old stuff I will part
It’s not that it is past it
But the sales are about to start

It’s said when the New Year comes
It’s out with the old and in with the new
So this is how I translate it
As the sales are in my view

I wonder who decides
The latest fashion for this year
When I have a wardrobe full
Of unfashionable gear

Sometimes I think and ponder
Or maybe I’ll ignore the trend
I’ll wear my outdated fashions
And my money I’ll not spend

But then I think I’ll miss
The excitement of a sale
Where the bargains lure me in
And my resolution will fail

Jenny Hamon

The Dog’s Business - Jenny Hamon

This week I have joined the club
Of people who look rather smug
They walk at a rate
With a jaunty gait
Wrapped up in their coats so snug

Do you wonder what I mean?
Oh, I’m sure that you have seen
Dog walkers with pride
The dog by their side
Proudly displaying that “he has been”

So this week I’ll walk my grand-dog
And might even manage a jog
I’ll walk with pride
My son’s dog at my side
And the little black bag with a log.

Jenny Hamon

Trying To Keep Up With The Times - Jenny Hamon

Well that’s Christmas over for another year
No more celebrations and being of good cheer
The tinsel is down, the decorations away
Including Santa and his sleigh

The tree has been taken to the recycling place
The baubles and fairy lights back in their case
What a palaver for a couple of weeks
Now peace and quiet and solace we seek

But do not be fooled that this peace will last
Because in the New Year the dye has been cast
We psyche ourselves up for the next buying spree
As the Easter eggs are on the shelves, I see

But the eggs are a sign that summer is near
As the sun hats and sandals soon all appear
So cheer up, let’s look forward to long summer days
When the Christmas carols soon will be played.

Jenny Hamon

Pulling the Wishbone - Jenny Hamon

The turkey has been eaten
Brown and white meat, we’ve had the lot
The last few bits have been curried
And the carcass boiled up for stock

The last part that is remaining
Is a very special thing
We’ve still to pull the wishbone
And see what that will bring

I’d wish all wars were over
And peace will reign once more
No more poverty or hunger
Or cold through to the core

I hope I win the wishbone
So I can make this wish
And peace and happiness
Will result from my turkey dish

Jenny Hamon

Rolling Out The Pastry - Jenny Hamon

When I was young
And just a child
I loved to bake with Mum
We weighed the flour
And greased the tins
Oh, it was such fun

Buns and cakes
We would make
The bowl and spoon licked clean
And pasties and pies
All golden brown
Were the best I’ve ever seen

My favourite part
Of baking with Mum
Was rolling the pastry out
I spent lots of time
Making shapes out of mine
And was a curious grey when done

It puzzled me though
When Mum rolled hers out
Why she made a clicking sound
But when I rolled mine
There was never a noise
And the answer I never found

But now I have grown
With kids of my own
And we’re doing the pastry thing
And the answer I found
To the curious sound
Is of course my wedding ring!

Jenny Hamon

The Christmas Season - Jenny Hamon

Christmas is coming, so much to do
The shopping and cooking and cards to write too
There’s presents to buy and parcels to send
The tree to decorate, write letters to friends

I’m rushing, I’m dashing to get it all done
There’s mince pies to make before I have won
The fruit cake to stir and the wishes to make
The cleaning to do and house to decorate

On top of all this there’s a party and fun
Friends and relations have been invited to come
I have to be bright and cheery to all
With a kiss under the mistletoe in the hall

I am exhausted, the job is complete
I’ll just sit and relax in my comfy seat
But I’ve overlooked the real reason
For the celebration of this festive season

The birth of a child on this holy night
Is the reason we remember that star so bright
It shone over the stable and the manger bed
Where this baby, our saviour, laid his little head

Now lest we forget in the rush of the morn
The reason for all this, Baby Jesus is born

Jenny Hamon

The Nativity Play - Jenny Hamon

The time has come for the Nativity Play
The children have practised their lines to say
Songs have been learnt, and dances too
Ready to perform for me and you

The scene is set, rehearsals are done
The final dress rehearsal has run
With tinsel and tea cloths ready to wear
And makeup put on, and a comb through their hair

The children file in, there’s shepherds and sheep
And camels and donkeys and a baby asleep
There’s Mary and Joseph and kings so grand
Although one is so small and he needs a hand

A mum has been spotted, a smile and a wave
He will try not to cry, he was told to be brave
The performance begins with a well rehearsed tune
But the singing’s interrupted all too soon

Little Johnnie announces he wants a wee
The audience laughs with tears of glee
He is quickly removed from the sweet stable scene
Before there’s an accident that was unforeseen

The play carries on, distractions aside
The stars and the angels shine with pride
The donkey is restless and gives a yawn
About the time the baby was born

Now the cast are excited, the baby is here
They sing and they dance and they all give a cheer
A Christmas wish is sung to all
Before the final curtain call

I’m sure we’ll remember for many a year
The excitement and tinsel, the joy and the fear
The first time that we performed on a stage
Oh yes, we’ll remember, no matter our age

Jenny Hamon

My New Car - Jenny Hamon

I’ve bought a new car
All shiny and bright
It’s not quite new
But it’s certainly alright.

It replaces the old one
That’s on its last legs
Been round the clock
And attention it begs

Well, I’m all excited
I collect it today
So while I’m getting used to it
Get out of my way

The car is automatic
No clutch on the side
And to indicate I’m turning
Well it’s on the wrong side

I think that this means
In the next coming days
I’ll take things quietly
And re-programme my brain

So if you see me approaching
At a moderate rate
With wipers madly wiping
I’ll be turning in at this gate

Jenny Hamon

The Pedestrian’s Plea - Jenny Hamon

The weather today
Is dark and grey
With persistent drizzle and fog
It’s the time that the trees
Shed all their leaves
And all the drains will clog.

The long dark nights
Don’t help in the fight
To keep all the leaves at bay
Try clearing the drains
In the dark and the rain
While the cars cover you in spray.

A wetsuit is needed
If warnings are heeded
While clearing the leaves away
Cars are driven so fast
Through puddles they pass
And I have to jump out of the way

So drivers I plea
To please just see
The puddles by the side of the road
And when you drive by
Please keep us dry
Oh drivers, please heed this ode.

Jenny Hamon