Surviving - Aindre Reece-Sheerin

Can you see me, will you take time to hear me
What is it in you that causes you to act this way?
How do you really sleep at night knowing what you do too me and to so many others
Are you as big as you boast to be – Are your ‘friends’ as intimidated by you as I am
Are they your friends because the converse is simply too dreadful to consider

Is it then, your inadequacy and not mine really
Were I as seemingly strong as you, would I act and treat people the same
When you put Sh*t in my bag or Sports shoes and school
Does it really make you feel good about yourself and cause to grow in the eyes of your peers

Never once did I turn a word back at you
I just happened to be here at the same place and same time as you
Would that I had the choice, No I would not kill you and or wish you dead
Or laugh to watch you weep and squirm in front of all your friends

I would take you to me and show you the pain, the loneliness one can cause
Sometimes we need say nothing at all as it is not always what we say
Moreover, it is how we say what we say that knocks us down

Would that you could feel the angst, the sickly feelings I have in my stomach as the thoughts of waking in the morning knowing as I do each and every day
Tomorrow, is another day I have to face you, all choice removed
All hope of getting a resolution, being able to move forwards so i can focus on my exams
Afterall that is why ‘I’ came to school – Why are you here?

Should I in fact, feel sorry for you? Are you being bullied as I am but in your home and so with this ‘Learned’ Negative behaviour you appear to have no choice but vent your frustration on me and others like me, whom you see as inferior and weak
Are you actually looking at a mirror image and so inflict that which is visited upon you from somewhere else
Do you even have any real friends?
Do pals call at your house to see if you are coming out to play?
Do they call to see if you are okay when you are sick?
Would they stay at your side if they did not fear you in the first place?

My feelings for you now are actual pity – I do not despise you
It is you that has nowhere to go but visit the negative and thrive on fear and violence
It is you who needs to change for when the stakes are really down, I will have true friends who will rally round but you will be alone and so much sadder than I can ever be

I am a survivor in this phase you are a pariah
One day you may go too far
One day you may realise the error of your ways
From this day forward, I intend to grow strong
If you want help, then reach out and I will take your hand
I will heal you, I will help you; I will call on you and see you
For I forgive you, and in forgiving you I am healed

Aindre Reece-Sheerin