In this age of Facebook, Twitter and cybercrime
Our famous last words will be sourced online
But back in the old days when people were croaking
To the bedside audience their bon mots were spoken
Adam Faith, Budgie, his final act alive
Was to pour his vitriol on Channel 5
Whilst Bing Crosby saw a final fairway
Leading up to the heavenly stairway.
Food often features when someone pegs
Roy Jenkins famously ordered up some eggs
Yes strange the mind as it dies
Pitt the Younger requested pies.
Philosopher Voltaire in his deathbed throes
Would not add Satan to his foes
Though these words uttered turning blue
May not necessarily be all true...
Alcohol is the cause of many a final curse
Before the arrival of the hearse
John Maynard Keynes, economist
Regretted time not getting pissed
While the mighty actor Bogie
Joked he died because of weak Martinis.
Dylan Thomas drowned his troubles
With eighteen whiskies, but were they doubles?
Picasso somewhat generously
Bade them all "drink to me"
And down in Tennessee they think
That Jack Daniel requested one last drink
From booze to weapons, the cause of many
Quotes for premature obituaries
"Et tu Brute?" Caesar spluttered
As with a dagger he was gutted
Poor General Sedgwick could not foresee
A sudden improvement in enemy accuracy
Terry Kath, the Chicago band musician
Forgot the chambered ammunition!
"The cyanide's not working" Hitler said
Then put the Luger to his head
I must admit, I made that up
It was probably Eva that fired the shot...
So rehearse your lines for posterity
I've just remembered what mine would be
"Popping to the pub, won't be late for tea"
"Famous Last Words" she said to me.
Stephen A. Roberts
