In the land of monumental blunders, we need more public art
to celebrate our illustrious past, but really, where to start?
A donkey in the harbour? well yes I thought it wrong,
though the way they park the Condor, it wouldn't have lasted long.
I've looked all over Europe, and great statues I have seen
some so fine and noble, and others a bit obscene
in Jersey they've a monument, of people dancing free;
the silent Guernsey obelisk gives the finger, doncha see?
There's a big fish, up in Belfast, made of toilet tiles
it is a bit bizarre, but it raises many smiles
Edinburgh has Greyfriars Bobby, he moves the crowd to tears;
So what fantastic gewgaw could ideally grace our piers?
What about a massive chancre, cast in solid bronze?
(ignore the spider lovers, who would say that it was wrong)
Perhaps a bust of Len and Enid, or a lifelike Stone de Croze
Or maybe a popular deputy, in suitably statesmanlike pose?
Google "famous Guernsey people", and it will tell you this -
The most renowned donkey was a chap called Roy Dotrice
But delve a little deeper, there's Sir Isaac, famous for war
and his brother Daniel, who stayed to practise law
If we widen our net still further, to those from overseas
inevitably we find that author, of "Toilers of the Sea"
another statue of Hugo? well I know that he's the best
but surely now it must be time, to give the guy a rest?
There has to be a figure, who would justify the work
Calm down, hold your horses, I don't mean Maurice Kirk -
No this guy was a local legend, he was permanently peed
Yes - let's have a colossal statue - of the actor Olly Reed!
Donald Keyman
PS
I don't really care what they do, it'll brighten up our day
as long as this poor ol' taxpayer doesn't have to pay...
