Beyond - Shannon Shell

What happens when you return to school
and there's no way to express the feelings you feel inside?
When you don't even know the words to describe what you think, what you feel.

I'll tell you what I learnt, I taught myself to turn my feelings into fists.
'Cos when you don't understand what you're feeling, you begin to fight it, thrush at it.
You turn the things you feel into violence.
And so the powers that be react...
They push you further out, they don't stop to listen, they don't stop to ask.
They stop to fight you. They stop to shout.
They put you in groups with others like you that don't understand what they think, and feel and fight about.

What do you do when you look in the mirror
and all you see is something you don't understand? You don't recognise...

I waited and waited for something to tell me to do
other than being violent.
I waited and waited for someone to look beyond the burning inside.
Something beyond what I felt was me, beyond what I felt was true.

It only took 3 years for someone to look beyond the fire,
Beyond the petty violence, beyond the pissed off attitude and turn into something else.
Something beyond the surface that was losing.

No-one saw me feel things that have definitions - Words.
And when I talked - Someone listened.
Someone to find what it was I was feeling.
I learnt to live through words.
What they meant, how they define what was happening inside.

I wish I had someone back then to tell me what I know now,
That it's ok to be sad, to feel down.
That it's ok to stop and listen to the sound of your heart beating...
and you don't have to forget everything to remember you're still breathing...

Shannon Shell

Her Eyes - Shannon Shell

A story of a child who cannot grow up.
But her eyes show her age and shows her story.
Her mind; surrounded by questions she won’t dare answer.
Her eyes; full of emotion, pain, anger.
Her voice; she cannot speak, not a word will escape.

Her mind because of what she thinks.
Her eyes because of what she sees.
Her throat is dry and sore of what she keeps locked inside.
“Never a word” she reminds herself.

Her eyes tell you the pain her lips won’t say.
If her eyes could speak they’d be sore with the frightened words.
Her eyes tell a long unspeakable story that only she knows the truth.
She’s the author of her eyes; she will write what she sees, describing with every last fibre.

Shannon Shell

Love - Shannon Shell

I loved you, but I could not wait forever.
I made my choice,
But you would not make me yours.

In some delays, a year’s as good as never.
As what is lost no change of heart restores.
I love you still, but I cannot think of you
Without the bitter longest of regret.

This too will pass, I know and time renew.
The innocence one needs to love,
You were my once,
That never comes again.

A happiness untouched by any pass,
Whatever comes next with the stain
Of knowing well, this love might not last.

Goodbye my love! I hope someday you’ll be ripe for the love
You could have for me.

Shannon Shell

All Around The World - Shannon Shell

With thanks to Al Green for the opening two lines.

All around the World
People are crying,
Listen and you can hear.
People are hiding,
Another beating they fear.
People are lying,
Plastic smiles from ear to ear.
People are dying,
It makes the pain disappear.

Jonny is crying.
His dad just died.
His family hates him.
They’ve taken his pride.
So tonight he cuts.
And his skin starts to peel.
Sometimes he wonders what it’s like to feel.

All around the world, sadness creeps in.
In all the places you’ve seen.
In all the places you’ve been.

Molly is hiding.
Her dad is drunk again.
She hides herself away.
She hopes she’ll be okay.
Then her dad opens the door.
He kicks her ‘til she bleeds.
He tells her she is worthless.
It’s a waste of air she breathes.

All around the world, sadness creeps in.
In all the places you’ve seen.
In all the places you’ve been.

Danny is lying.
All the pain and hurting.
Covered up by smiles.
All his stupid flirting.
And his laughter.
Just one terrible lie.
Drugs of salvation.
Rehab he’ll forever try.

All around the world, sadness creeps in.
In all the places you’ve seen.
In all the places you’ve been.

Jenny is dying.
She can’t breathe no more.
Noose around her neck.
Her feet don’t touch the floor.
The pain killed her.
Her family and friend.
They shut the door.
So this is her final end.

Crying can you hear.
Hiding and they fear.
Lying ear to ear.
Drying…then finally disappear.

Shannon Shell

Sarah - Shannon Shell

R.I.P Sarah (2010-2013)

Sarah - Shannon Shell

My name is Sarah.
I am but three.
My eyes are swollen, I cannot see.
I must’ve of been stupid, I must’ve of been bad
What else could have made him so mad?

When I’m awake I’m all alone.
My house is dark, my folks aren’t home.
When daddy does come home I’ll try to be nice
So maybe I’ll only get one beating tonight.

Don’t make a sound. ‘I’m sorry!’ I scream
But it’s no too late.
His face has been twisted into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain…
Again and again.

Please god have mercy, please let it end.
He finally stops, and heads for the door
While I lay motionless sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah.
I am but three.
Tonight my daddy nearly killed me

Shannon Shell

You Whisper Lies - Shannon Shell

You whisper you lies in my ear.
I’m crying inside but you don’t care.
My heart is bruised and torn in two.
You’ve pierced my soul and taken it with you.
You don’t see how I feel.
I say I’m fine but that’s not real.

Take some time and search your soul.
You don’t understand what you stole.
You see my smile but look in my eyes.

I’m a broken girl because of my sacrifice
I’ve given up so much to believe in you,
Even though we both know that’s not what I should do.
I took down my guard to give you trust.
You shredded it and now I’m lost.

The tears you don’t see are full of pain.
Did what you wanted and never complained.
I’m so naïve and so young.
Didn’t want you to believe you’d do me wrong.

But now I know just what’s your game.
Never again will I get played the same.
You were fake I was true.
I’ve been done like that before, it’s nothing new.

Behind a mask I hide.
So no-one knows how I feel inside.
You can peel this mask from my face.
But what you’ve taken you can’t replace.

Shannon Shell

Looked After Girls - Shannon Shell

Image: Shannon Shell

Shannon Shell is 16 and is now living in a residential home for indepndent living 16+ leaving care.

Looked After Girls - Shannon Shell

Sweet as Heaven, hot as Hell.
The baddest babes as you can tell.
Wanted by some and hated by many.
Invited by most, envied by plenty.
Diamonds and pearls are so nice.
But they aren’t anything like us looked after girls.
Why do they hate us?
Why is there all this fuss?
We’re not going to stop until we see police lights,
It’s really getting out of control, too many fights.
Don’t treat us like we don’t know.
That comment was below the belt, way too low.
We’re the ones in and out of care.
Someone tell us how this is fair.
When you’re a looked after girl, all pretty and nice.
We don’t want a fight just some advice.
We don’t want a lecture no big deal.
We have feelings too, we are real.

Shannon Shell

I Did It For You Mum - Shannon Shell

Do you know how scared I was?
All I wanted was to help you see justice brought.
I wanted to take it all back, say it wasn't true.
But I kept on going because I love you.

Do you know scared I was...sat at the bottom of those stairs?
But I got involved to try and stop your nightmares.
I hurt mentally...but you have the scars on show.

That morning the look on your face told me all I needed to know.
I'm crying inside but the tears you can't hold back.
Metal to your face...I heard your lip crack.
He denies it ever happened. Well the bastard is wrong.
Mum, I want you to know that I believed you all along.
You may have left me but I never believed a word he said.
Every time he walked into the room, I saw your face filled with dread.
You said you fell off the tandem, it sent a chill down my spine.
I realize now I am your world and you truly are mine.

I may only be a child but I understand your pain,
I'm your grown up daughter, pure as a drop of rain.
I feel a million miles away.
Your house is mine too and that's where I want to stay.
Every time that pig tried to break you down.
Just remember I’m the one still around.

Don't forget we're survivors, oh God that's so true.
Mum I just want you to know,
I did it for you.

Shannon Shell