There was a philander, Peter,
whose girlfriends were Joan, Pam and Rita.
His wife got annoyed,
a hit man employed,
now Peter’s no longer a cheater.
***
In a draughty stone castle Sir Peter
could not find so much as one heater,
so to keep out the cold
in a building so old
he drank Plymouth Gin by the litre.
***
There was a young cannibal, Peter,
who married a girl called Conchita.
He loved her big eyes,
her lips and firm thighs.
In fact, it was hard not to eat ‘er.
Ros Willard