The Proseman’s Guide to Writing Poetry - Chris Hudson

All lines should rhyme
Because when reading it
This saves a lot of time!

Topics should be warm and cosy
So we all know exactly what is meant
Nothing to bend th’enraptured will
But stifle with sentiment.

Jokes too are okay
As long as they
Don’t break societal convention
Preconceived clichés are so much more apt
To gain the audience’s attention

A poem can show wit and be apposite
But not be improprietous;
Indecorous behaviour
Is reserved for rioters

Whilst it is absolutely forbidden to assume
Any stance of politics or philosophy
(That is best left to the bedroom!)

To win one’s audience to one’s side
One must make no comment absurd nor snide
But levelling all experience at root
And aphorisms twee to boot

The concept of the poem should be endlessly brewed
And any fortitude or boldness eschewed
Every word pored over in minutest detail for all to see
The dead idea thence pinned to a tree

Nothing free or frivolous should blight the page
Lest the dear reader fly in a rage

With sentiments barren and mundane ideas
Nothing original should blight one’s ears

No idolatrous ideas, or tales of woe
Nor bravely how we bashed the foe

But metaphors bland and senseless dross
Lest our pals think us incongruous
Respect your reader and try to ease
Areas where he has sensibilities

The poet may pull his hair out in writing verse and rhyme
But the reader does not always have the time
To decode scrawlings of trenchant pus
These kinds of poems will not liberate us!

Christopher J. Hudson