I’m on The Jeremy Kyle Diet - Jenny Hamon

I’ve invented my own diet
To make me fit and lean
It’s not so much a diet
More an exercise regime

The timing is important
But rather than run a mile
I sit upon my exercise bike
And cycle to Jeremy Kyle

It means that I can exercise
While watching people row
It makes me cycle faster
But really I don’t know how

Maybe it’s all the arguing
Makes me pedal until I’ve won
Cos if I cycle hard enough
I can clock up half a ton

I mean five hundred calories
Watching Jeremy I can burn
Although the programme shocks me
With the rubbish it can churn

But never mind the content
The programme lasts an hour
I push myself into a sweat
And then I have a shower

Jenny Hamon