Educating Granny - Jenny Hamon

I’ve become a Granny, Oh what joy!
My son has fathered a baby boy.
So now to learn the modern way,
(It’s all so different from in my day.)

I want a pram with navy trim,
To push the new arrival in.
This one folds from corner to corner.
Good grief, it’s just like a transformer!

A safety car seat’s now the rule,
From birth until the child’s at school.
But which way round, and on what seat?
Installing it has got me beat.

Does he sleep on side or tummy?
Should I let him have a dummy?
Many things now to debate,
To keep this child from Granny’s fate.

No terry nappies in a bucket,
Disposable now, just change and chuck it.
But how he wriggles, I fight to win.
At least no pins to stick in him.

No Granny, please don’t give a treat,
Of something he’s not supposed to eat.
So how can I spoil him rotten?
What’s that rule? Oh, I’ve forgotten!

And so to sleep, his eyes grow dim,
I lay him down to tuck him in.
But where’s the covers? (try not to nag)
Instead he’s buttoned in a bag.

Learning things is now my quota,
For when it’s my turn on the rota.
And as I gaze at him with pride,
I WONDER HOW MY KIDS SURVIVED!

Jenny Hamon